Midnight Musings Chapter 2. I Feel the Need. The Need to Write?

Steve Walsh 2/22/19

At different times in my life I have been encouraged to keep a journal. I started a few times but never really got into it. My entries always seemed to gravitate towards being factual accounts of the days events. After awhile I would lose interest and that would be the end of that.

With my PD diagnosis I was once again being encouraged to keep a journal.  The objective to catalog my daily activities to better understand their impact on my PD symptoms. I never started. I did write a series of entries in a fundraising platform called Give Gab that I will be copying into our new story sharing platform WordPress. I also posted them on Facebook. Excerpts from these entries were published in the PSCKY 2018 Resource Guide. More recently I wrote a short poem/prayer that one of my PD boxing buddies incorporated into a bookmark that we are sharing with the PD community.

These efforts were “one off” activities. I enjoyed doing them but I didn’t feel compelled to. That has changed now. For reasons I don’t fully understand I feel like I need to write. Not about the events of my day but about feelings, questions and observations. Some of these topics are clearly related to my PD while others are bigger life questions. PD or no, these are topics that I have literally lost sleep over (hence the Midnight Musings – I’m also a sucker for alliteration).

I’m told that there is a therapeutic benefit to writing my thoughts longhand and typing them up later. I’ve decided to give that process a try and see if I notice any therapeutic benefits.

When I first started feeling the need to write I tried to determine why I was feeling this way. Had something changed in my view of the world that was causing me to feel this way? (see previous essay “Beer Goggles”). I came up with several possibilities.  I’m getting older. I’ve been visiting one of our boxers in hospice care. My aunt Elsie passed away. I heard one of my high school classmates just entered hospice. Any or all of these recent events could be making me more aware of my own mortality which in turn may be creating a sense of urgency to somehow capture and share my thoughts and feelings. 

For now I have stopped trying to figure out the why. I have decided to approach writing the same way I approach exercise. They are both important components of my physical, mental and social well being. I feel better when I do them. That will have to be enough of a why for now.


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